The Shan Speaks: Notes from the Small but Wise

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Screw Henry Higgins and F Open Book Productions

Just you wait, Open Book Productions (Chrystal Chappell and Kim Turrisi). Just you wait until I have time to sit down and eviscerate "Straight Girl's Guide to Gay Bars." You're gonna have really sore Cubby Holes.

Readers, please review before we reconvene. Get a load of this shit.

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Thursday, October 21, 2010 | 0 comments

Friday, May 14, 2010

Webseries the Webseries - Episode 2

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Friday, May 14, 2010 | 0 comments

Webseries the Webseries - Episode 1

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Friday, May 14, 2010 | 0 comments

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Gotham Vice Rules!

My new favorite show EVER! Watch now!

And, while I may be biased, I know I'm right. It's got all the elements a silly crime-show obssessed dyke like me could want:
1. Hot chicks
2. Snappy dialogue
3. Hot chicks making out

Gotham Vice will go down in history as some hot n' heavy ground-breaking TV!

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Tuesday, May 04, 2010 | 0 comments

Friday, March 12, 2010

Equality Illinois - Big Gig Coming Up

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Friday, March 12, 2010 | 0 comments

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Real Quick F.U.

Today, someone called my humor 'coarse.' Good. I hope it gave him a rash.

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Tuesday, January 05, 2010 | 1 comments

Miley's 16th, My 35th. What's the Dif?

Truth be told, I am not a fan of birthdays. My own in particular. I don't know if it's the history of freezing cold, somebody's always puking, holy shit a blizzard!, Chicago/Boston/NYC in the dead winter birthdays past or the reality that my Big Day happens to coincide with the arrival of tax forms and Christmas-splurge credit card bills. If I were a betting woman, meaning if I had a risk-able dollar to my name, I'd wager that I'm just impossible to please and prone to wallowing. Whatever the reason, my birthday sucks ass cakes.

You know who's birthday was pretty f'in cool? Miley Cyrus' 16th birthday celebration at Disney World. That was the shit! I want that. Shut down the park, have a parade, sell commemorative t-shirts and coffee mugs, put on a fireworks display so awesomely sublime that the dudes who'll lose fingers in its execution won't even care that they'll never snap or effectively pick their nose again. I think she got a Benz, too. Or Hannah Montana did. Who cares? Whatever wig the bitch was wearing, she got German-crafted lovin' on 4 wheels. Me want that. I'll even settle for a yellow one, that's how humble I'm willing to be about it. Access Hollywood AND Entertainment Tonight AND TMZ AND Perz Hilton - they're all there to get their clips, their sound bytes. That's right, Billy Bush, ask my cousin Mary Groholski who she's wearing. Find out how Video One's interns snagged invites to such a swank bash. Perez, tell everybody I snorted coke off your fat gay ass throughout the soiree, and then be all like, "Or did I?" Wink wink.

Yeah, the more I think about it and how it'll all play out, the Who the Fuck is Shannon Ennis and Why Do I Give a Shit It's Her 35th Birthday? party at Disney World is a reasonable idea. Maybe we could to a charity tie-in or cross promotion or something for somebody hungry somewhere who hates their birthday, too.

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Tuesday, January 05, 2010 | 0 comments

Thursday, December 31, 2009

More Important New Year's Eve Countdown

Why are you reading my blog when there's money and time to be spent on my birthday? You'd better haul ass in 10, 9, 8, 7...seriously put your coat on...6, 5, 4...I'm going to make you feel so guilty that you won't be able to crap without crying.

3,2,1. Asshole.

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Thursday, December 31, 2009 | 0 comments

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Where'd That Come From?

"Shit balls" is my new fave thing to say. About anything, for any reason. Eh, that's a lie. Usually for despair, horror, surprise, disappointment. Shit balls doesn't translate well into 'things are really goin' my way!' For example, I drop my diamonds on the floor and they scatter across the marble, "Ah, shit balls!" (F-you. That shit happens to me all the time. I'm always chasing my jewels across my marble bathroom floor. Sometimes, when I'm beday-ing, I'll step on one of my big ass diamonds. Lemme tell you, it'll cut glass alright.) Or I see a picture of Jill Bennett and say, "Holy shit balls! No one is that good looking. How does one look away?" And then she's just staring back at me, all "Hey shit balls, don't you have a job? Quit dreaming about my bone structure and make a living." How about I pour a delicious bowl of highly nutritious cereal--dinner-- turn to grab milk from the fridge and realize I ain't gots none. "Fucking shit balls! No MOO for my Ohs!"

Thing is, I have no idea where I got this word pairing. How 'shit balls' sank into my thick skull is a total mystery. Somebody who's ever heard the expression before, please contact me! Cultural anthropologists, I'm talking to you. Who is responsible for originating "shit balls"? I want to shake their hand and then punch 'em in the face.

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Tuesday, December 15, 2009 | 1 comments


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