The Shan Speaks: Notes from the Small but Wise

Monday, January 22, 2007

Oh, When the Saints Go Limping

The CHICAGO BEARS are going to the SUPERBOWL. I repeat, the CHICAGO BEARS are going to the SUPERBOWL. They will be one of the teams competing for the NFL Championship at the SUPERBOWL.

I finally have a perfectly reasonable motivation to wear my Bears' paraphernalia every day. Color me navy and orange. Game on!

I'm backing my boys all the way. The Bears will win by a margin of no less than 10 points. I'll bet my 3D velvet poster of Peyton Manning on it.


Dear New Orleans Saints,

I am sorry for your loss. My sympathies to you. If I had a heart, it would hold you in it. But I don't. Blah, blah, the team helped rejuvinate the city and vice versa, lifted the spirits of a devastated community, blah, blah, blah. Last time I checked, the NFL wasn't the Special Olympics. So, suck my sentimental ________ (insert preferred genital area here), cry babies.

Think of it this way, now you'll have all that extra time to build new houses! There are roofs to shackle** aren't there? Think ahead for once, go on and rastle up some arcs for next time. Strike up the ragtime band and roll up your sleeves! OK, so it's two weeks earlier than you'd hoped. Sack up.

Not to be a bitch, but I thought you'd realize that God is soooooo not answering your prayers these days. Sucks to be you.

**Of some concern: I know that roofs are shingled, not shackled. But I chose 'shackle' b/c it makes me sound like a bigger ignorant asshole.

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Monday, January 22, 2007 | 0 comments

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Temperature's Rising

It's January in New York City. The dead of winter should be upon us yet the temperature has not fallen to zero, not even overnight. During the daylight hours it's damn near 50. Over the holidays I traveled to Sweet Home Chicago and the weather situation there is pretty much the same. As a matter of fact the two NFL teams most accustomed to battling it out in conditions resembling a noreaster, the Green Bay Packers and my beloved Bears, played at Soldier Field on New Year's Eve. It should have been colder than my sex life but no. No folks, thermometers on the lake front hovered around 45. That's unthinkable! An Inconvenient Truth indeed.

So Jonathan Edwards was right. We're all gonna burn. Not in hell, though, but on the surface of the microwaveable earth.

I'm buying a Doppler 2000 and headin' back to the bottle.

posted by Shannon E. Ennis at Thursday, January 04, 2007 | 1 comments


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