Next Time You Feel Unattractive

Take a gander at these babes.

My intention is not to be cruel, but rather to empower gals like myself, who's spirits plummet into the dumper when our jeans feel too tight, if we have more than one zit or a bad hair day. Should any of these and other seemingly insurmountable tragedies strike, remember the happy faces of the chicks pictured above, Olympic medalists in women's weightlifting. Imagine telling them whatever's got your panties in a wad. Sing "I Feel Pretty" at the top of your fucking lungs and sack it up. Or they will come to your house and eat you.

Why I Like Women's Beach Volleyball

The hand signals.

"Olympic Gymnastics Walk In Park," Says Ennis

I'm sick and tired of watching miniature chicks and dudes somersault a few times in the air while some TV douche bag commentator calls them "magnificent." Whatever. If I trained 8 hours a day 7 days a week since I was 4, ate nothing but carrots, lettuce and kiwi and my government threatened to execute my Mom, I could totally do what they do. Pussies. Like it's some big deal to sacrifice any semblance of a childhood or adolescence for the chance to compete against to the world's most elite athletes. Snooze. 

Look at this idiot. I'd rank this still rings skill right up there with algebra and being able to clean a toilet. Try to put it on a resume, pal.