Inside Out

You are watching 'Dead Poet's Society' for the umpteenth time, it's the scene where they're standing up on their chairs in a show of loyalty for their controversial teacher, and you are in tears. But you're alone, so cry away.
You just sat down on the toilet to get some business done. As you're easing into top-of-the-can looking down on creation mode, a fart slips out. A loud and surprsingly powerful fart. And now, you're not just peeing, you are filled with sublime joy. That was great, wasn't it? Farts of the "gotcha!" variety are freaking hysterical. Our bodies are just full of surprises.

These are some examples of your secret moments, the ones reserved for you only. They're part of the quality time you spend with yourself, completely unguarded and candid as all hell. Saving the embarrassment and shame factor for another time, you savor every guilty pleasure right down to the bone. We all do it.

So, for shits and giggles, I thought I'd share some of mine in the hopes of getting to know other people's. Confession breeds more confession, at least I hope it does.

1. When I am pressing one of my shirts--which I am prone to do quite frequently as I am addicted to ironing--and the hot iron sizzles over the armpit, I inhale as deeply as possible becuase I love the smell of my burnt body odor. Mmm.

2. Every now and then I sing along w/ the following at the top of my little lungs: The Chess Soundtrack, any Amy Grant, Shania Twain or Billy Ocean I can scrounge up, Barbra Streisand's Broadway album, every note Belinda Carlisle has ever recorded either solo or Go-Go.

3. Baseball movies rev me up & make me cry. For catharsis' sake I own The Natural, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, A Laegue of Their Own, Eight Men Out and yes, even Major League can do it to me. PS--Without these films, I'd never allow myself the indulgence of crying. Not adult crying, which is stilted and self-conscious, rather I am talking about kid cry, which is so visceral an unabashed, you're exhausted when you're finished.

4. I fantasize about kicking the crap out of Katie Couric and Dakota Fanning. Sure, there are others who can inspire such violence in my soul, but those two bitches take the cake.

5. Beside my bed, strewn all over my bedroom floor (right now, as I type!) are at least 700 pages of 'Law & Order: SVU' femslash fanfiction. The appetite for this stuff will never be satiated. It's the only vice I have left.

And there you have it! A brief peek into my land of "Who Goes There?" I truly hope you've enjoyed yourself, had a laugh or 5. And I also hope that I've inspired you to celebrate your oddities, your hidden loves. Please, do feel free to share.