Top of the Mornin' to Ya

Indeed, I am as Irish as the day is long, as Robert Blake is a free man and as certain as mass vomiting nation-wide throughout the day. But my pug nose, talent for storytelling, drinking problem, brooding temper and translucent skin aside, the mere fact that I am of Irish descent doesn't necessarily mean that I inherently know everything there is to know about the holiday's history and festivities. So don't ask me where the parade stops, or whether or not St. Patrick had any money (duh, the Irish never have cash, but we've always got a song in our heart). If that's what you want, tune in to the dude who co-hosts the NYC parade on TV. That man has shaken hands with, prayed beside and walked a mile in the shoes of every O'Johnny McPatrick in the tri-state area. He knows who cooks the best corned beef in Bergen County. And his brogue is offensive lineman thick. The first 9 or 10 sentences you hear out of 'your man' will be incomprehensible, but give yourself some time, b/c he's the best treat of the day. It's 3 solid hours of endless factiod commentary. Dick Vitale's got nothing on this fella. He could Celt-talk the back legs off a jackass. God Bless you, dude who's name I cannot recall. You're lovely, grand altogether!

Have a fekkin' brilliant St. Paddy's day, everyone!