What Could Save Terri Schiavo? Being Gay.
In the world where I live, things like this should happen: The Pope and Terri Schiavo meet each other on a commuter bus to heaven...
TERRI and THE POPE sit side by side looking healthy, alert and relieved.
TERRI: I AM SO GRATEFUL TO FINALLY BE HERE.
POPE: ME, TOO. YOU KNOW, TOWARD THE END, EVERYONE IN THE VATICAN'S INNER SANCTUM TRIED DESPERATELY TO CONVINCE THE PUBLIC THAT I WAS MERELY UNDER THE WEATHER. I WAS DYING, YET THEY SCHEMED TO GIVE ANOTHER IMPRESSION ENTIRELY. THEY ACTUALLY WHEELED ME TO MY WINDOW WHERE, EMPLOYING AN ELABORTATE SYSTEM OF PULLIES AND PROSTHETICS, I WOULD "WAVE" TO THE GATHERED CROWD. SUCH EFFORT FOR AN ILLUSION.
TERRI: I CAN TOTALLY IDENTIFY. MY LAST DAYS TURNED INTO A NATIONAL DEBATE. EVEN THE PRESIDENT GOT INVOLVED!
POPE: OH. WHAT WAS THE DEABTE ABOUT?
TERRI: I'D BEEN BRAIN DEAD, IN A VEGITATIVE STATE, FOR YEARS. AND MY HUSBAND DECIDED TO HAVE MY FEEDING TUBE REMOVED. MY PARENTS WANTED TO HAVE IT PUT BACK IN. A HUGE LEGAL BATTLE ENSUED, DIVIDING MY FAMILY, AND THE COUNTRY, IN HALF. EVERY HOLY ROLLER--PARDON ME, YOUR HOLINESS--EVERY EVANGELIST IN THE COUNTRY RALLIED BEHIND MY PARENTS. THE MERITS OF MY VERY EXISTENCE WERE THE SUBJECT OF ENORMOUS CONTENTION ON THE SENATE FLOOR. BUT THE ISSUE WAS QUITE SIMPLE, REALLY. LEGALLY, MY HUSBAND WAS MY NEXT OF KIN. AND THAT'S THAT.
POPE: LAUGHS OUT LOUD.
TERRI: YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING AT THIS, PONTIFF?
POPE: OH, TERRI, FORGIVE ME THIS TRESPASS, BUT THE IRONY IS TOO MUCH.
TERRI: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
POPE: BEFORE YOU AND RESSURECTING THE DEBATE OVER EUTHANASIA, WHAT HAD THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT UP IN ARMS?
TERRI: GAY MARRIAGE.
POPE: CORRECT. I AM TRULY TICKLED BY THIS ONE...IF YOURS WAS A GAY MARRIAGE, YOUR SPOUSE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD A LEGAL LEG TO STAND ON. IN THE EYES OF THE LAW AND THE CHURCH, YOUR SPOUSE WOULD HAVE NO LEGAL RIGHTS WHATSOEVER, THUS, PAVING THE WAY FOR YOUR PARENTS AND THEIR ZEALOT SUPPORTERS TO PREVAIL.
TERRI: GOOD GOD. IF I WERE GAY, I'D STILL BE ALIVE.
POPE: WELL, THANK GOD YOU'RE NOT! BUT RIGHT NOW, MAYBE YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER, THE RED (FLY-OVER) STATES, TOM DELAY AND THE PRESIDENT WOULD PREFER YOU WERE.
posted by Shannon E. Ennis at
Monday, March 28, 2005
TERRI and THE POPE sit side by side looking healthy, alert and relieved.
TERRI: I AM SO GRATEFUL TO FINALLY BE HERE.
POPE: ME, TOO. YOU KNOW, TOWARD THE END, EVERYONE IN THE VATICAN'S INNER SANCTUM TRIED DESPERATELY TO CONVINCE THE PUBLIC THAT I WAS MERELY UNDER THE WEATHER. I WAS DYING, YET THEY SCHEMED TO GIVE ANOTHER IMPRESSION ENTIRELY. THEY ACTUALLY WHEELED ME TO MY WINDOW WHERE, EMPLOYING AN ELABORTATE SYSTEM OF PULLIES AND PROSTHETICS, I WOULD "WAVE" TO THE GATHERED CROWD. SUCH EFFORT FOR AN ILLUSION.
TERRI: I CAN TOTALLY IDENTIFY. MY LAST DAYS TURNED INTO A NATIONAL DEBATE. EVEN THE PRESIDENT GOT INVOLVED!
POPE: OH. WHAT WAS THE DEABTE ABOUT?
TERRI: I'D BEEN BRAIN DEAD, IN A VEGITATIVE STATE, FOR YEARS. AND MY HUSBAND DECIDED TO HAVE MY FEEDING TUBE REMOVED. MY PARENTS WANTED TO HAVE IT PUT BACK IN. A HUGE LEGAL BATTLE ENSUED, DIVIDING MY FAMILY, AND THE COUNTRY, IN HALF. EVERY HOLY ROLLER--PARDON ME, YOUR HOLINESS--EVERY EVANGELIST IN THE COUNTRY RALLIED BEHIND MY PARENTS. THE MERITS OF MY VERY EXISTENCE WERE THE SUBJECT OF ENORMOUS CONTENTION ON THE SENATE FLOOR. BUT THE ISSUE WAS QUITE SIMPLE, REALLY. LEGALLY, MY HUSBAND WAS MY NEXT OF KIN. AND THAT'S THAT.
POPE: LAUGHS OUT LOUD.
TERRI: YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING AT THIS, PONTIFF?
POPE: OH, TERRI, FORGIVE ME THIS TRESPASS, BUT THE IRONY IS TOO MUCH.
TERRI: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
POPE: BEFORE YOU AND RESSURECTING THE DEBATE OVER EUTHANASIA, WHAT HAD THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT UP IN ARMS?
TERRI: GAY MARRIAGE.
POPE: CORRECT. I AM TRULY TICKLED BY THIS ONE...IF YOURS WAS A GAY MARRIAGE, YOUR SPOUSE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD A LEGAL LEG TO STAND ON. IN THE EYES OF THE LAW AND THE CHURCH, YOUR SPOUSE WOULD HAVE NO LEGAL RIGHTS WHATSOEVER, THUS, PAVING THE WAY FOR YOUR PARENTS AND THEIR ZEALOT SUPPORTERS TO PREVAIL.
TERRI: GOOD GOD. IF I WERE GAY, I'D STILL BE ALIVE.
POPE: WELL, THANK GOD YOU'RE NOT! BUT RIGHT NOW, MAYBE YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER, THE RED (FLY-OVER) STATES, TOM DELAY AND THE PRESIDENT WOULD PREFER YOU WERE.
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