Gay Marriage Is Anarchy, But Banning It Leads to Divorce
I know I said I'd be taking a break, but the quote below landed in my mailbox this morning, and I was compelled to rant.
"U.S. Census figures show that Massachusetts has the lowest divorce rate in the country -- boasting more family stability than any of the 18 states that have adopted constitutional bans on gay marriage. [T]here is no statistical validity to the claim that allowing gays to marry has undermined the institution here." -- From a Boston Globe editorial, May 17.
LATER, AT THE VATICAN...
Monday evening, June 6th, Pope Benedict made his first official pronouncement regarding gay marriage. Suprisingly, he's not so into it. He condemned same-sex unions as fake and expressions of “anarchic freedom” that threatened the future of the family. The Pope, who was elected in April, also condemned divorce, artificial birth control, trial marriages and free-style unions, saying all of these practices were dangerous for the family.
Is he high? Artificial birth control? Most of the birth control used by the breeders is pretty real. That's why it works. And what's with the free-style unions? "Yeah, we're totally faithful to each other. Though every once in a while, we get a little giggy with it. It's like, you know, free-style." Or "Check out my informal union - no hands!"
“Today's various forms of dissolution of marriage, free unions, trial marriages as well as the pseudo-matrimonies between people of the same sex are instead expressions of anarchic freedom which falsely tries to pass itself off as the true liberation of man,” he said, according to Reuters. Dude, I just wanna have a bridal shower and get all the crap I've been giving to my straight friends and family for years! Give me my damn sterling silver salad bowl!
I would like to invite Pope Benedict to my house for dinner. We will engage in polite conversation. I may even wear my First Communion dress, if I can fit it over my gay jugs. Before the arsenic takes effect, I will ask him how his marriage to God is less "fake" than the one I (will) have with my incredibly smart, kind, generous, compassionate and beautiful wife. I will thank him for being the spokesperson of a doctrine that makes me feel unwelcome in the faith and church of my ancestors. That's dangerous to my family, father. Further, the worldwide Catholic family has been repeatedly instructed to look upon me and my kind as sinners who have ditched the flock so they could fornicate with members of the same sex. It's all about the humpin', isn't it? I will also let him know that, miraculously, the Church's myopic, dismissive policies regarding many issues that I feel passionately about (a woman's right to chose, gay marriage, the ordination of female priests, birth control, the idea that a religion other than mine is equally legitimate in the eyes of God) has served only to strengthen my commitment to those issues. And finally, as he gasps for breath, I will tell him how he's unintentionally brought me closer to God. I don't use 3rd party conduits to communicate with God anymore. I don't need a priest to be the middle man. God and I chat directly. And the God of my understanding created and unconditionally loves my liberal, imperfect, gay ass.
Then I will need to figure out what to do with the dead Pope.
posted by Shannon E. Ennis at
Thursday, June 16, 2005
"U.S. Census figures show that Massachusetts has the lowest divorce rate in the country -- boasting more family stability than any of the 18 states that have adopted constitutional bans on gay marriage. [T]here is no statistical validity to the claim that allowing gays to marry has undermined the institution here." -- From a Boston Globe editorial, May 17.
LATER, AT THE VATICAN...
Monday evening, June 6th, Pope Benedict made his first official pronouncement regarding gay marriage. Suprisingly, he's not so into it. He condemned same-sex unions as fake and expressions of “anarchic freedom” that threatened the future of the family. The Pope, who was elected in April, also condemned divorce, artificial birth control, trial marriages and free-style unions, saying all of these practices were dangerous for the family.
Is he high? Artificial birth control? Most of the birth control used by the breeders is pretty real. That's why it works. And what's with the free-style unions? "Yeah, we're totally faithful to each other. Though every once in a while, we get a little giggy with it. It's like, you know, free-style." Or "Check out my informal union - no hands!"
“Today's various forms of dissolution of marriage, free unions, trial marriages as well as the pseudo-matrimonies between people of the same sex are instead expressions of anarchic freedom which falsely tries to pass itself off as the true liberation of man,” he said, according to Reuters. Dude, I just wanna have a bridal shower and get all the crap I've been giving to my straight friends and family for years! Give me my damn sterling silver salad bowl!
I would like to invite Pope Benedict to my house for dinner. We will engage in polite conversation. I may even wear my First Communion dress, if I can fit it over my gay jugs. Before the arsenic takes effect, I will ask him how his marriage to God is less "fake" than the one I (will) have with my incredibly smart, kind, generous, compassionate and beautiful wife. I will thank him for being the spokesperson of a doctrine that makes me feel unwelcome in the faith and church of my ancestors. That's dangerous to my family, father. Further, the worldwide Catholic family has been repeatedly instructed to look upon me and my kind as sinners who have ditched the flock so they could fornicate with members of the same sex. It's all about the humpin', isn't it? I will also let him know that, miraculously, the Church's myopic, dismissive policies regarding many issues that I feel passionately about (a woman's right to chose, gay marriage, the ordination of female priests, birth control, the idea that a religion other than mine is equally legitimate in the eyes of God) has served only to strengthen my commitment to those issues. And finally, as he gasps for breath, I will tell him how he's unintentionally brought me closer to God. I don't use 3rd party conduits to communicate with God anymore. I don't need a priest to be the middle man. God and I chat directly. And the God of my understanding created and unconditionally loves my liberal, imperfect, gay ass.
Then I will need to figure out what to do with the dead Pope.
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