WAR OF THE PRIDES

I'm having a t-shirt made. It will read "I Survived the Puerto Rican Day Parade." Across my street, where, as I've discussed, they shoot episodes of COPS, Tito Puente's greatest hits played from inside a Chevy Caprice all day long. For optimum sound, the doors were open, and that little radio blasted its sub-woofer's heart out from 10 a.m. until 9:30 at night. Ay, Dios Mio!

It's not that I have anything against the Puerto Ricans. Trust me. I'm too big a fan of J-Lo's ass and Ricky Martin's bon bon to be a 'hater.' And I'm pro-Shark, anti-Jet all the way. Bernardo is so hot! Maria should have stuck to her own kind. But I like the occasional quiet Sunday. Yesterday, I desperately needed to rest up after riding with the NYC Sirens Motorcycle Club during the Brooklyn Pride Parade Saturday evening. Being that secure in my lesbian identity is exhausting. Give a 'bo a break, OK? Eleven and a half hours of lyrics I don't understand? I felt as though my pride was being encroached upon. But soon I realized that I was just being exposed to something different. Exposed by force.

Understated presence in my community be damned! My neighbors were nice enough to share their music with me, therefore, I shall share mine with them. PR meet GLBT. Starting next Sunday at 9 am, before I head to my volunteer post at the Pride Rally in Bryant Park, my Kenwood speakers, pressed against my 3 oversized windows, will indoctrinate the residents of 12th St. I'll start with some sweet ERASURE, something like "Oh L'Amour." Then the Divas will reign: all the CHER, KYLIE, DIANA ROSS, MARTHA WASH, SPICE GIRLS (together and solo), BETTE, JUDY, MADONNA and RUPAUL in my arsenal. The lesson plan will also include MELISSA ETHERIDGE, INDIGO GIRLS, RUFUS WAINRIGHT, DAVE KOZ ('koz he's a homo), kd, SLEATER KINNEY, GAY PIMP, LUSCIOUS JACKSON (Kate Schellenbach wears comfy shoes), BITCH & ANIMAL, BARRY MANILOW (d'uh), MELISSA FERRICK, ELTON JOHN, SOPHIE B. HAWKINS (bi - why not?), SCISSOR SISTERS, JIMMY SOMERVILLE, DEE LITE, and the following soundtracks: PRICILLA QUEEN OF THE DESERT, XANADU, MURIEL'S WEDDING, THE WIZARD OF OZ, YENTYL, CATS, A CHORUS LINE, GYPSY, CHESS, EVITA, CHICAGO, THE BOY FROM OZ, DREAMGIRLS and RENT. My toes are twinkling already.

Please feel free to submit additional recommendations. I'd hate to miss anything imperative to the gay music cirriculum.