Texas will soon suck even More Juan, Dude

"Texans have made a decision about marriage, and if there is some other state that has a more lenient view than Texas then maybe that's a better place for them [gays] to live." -- Texas Gov. Rick Perry as he signed a resolution to amend the Texas Constitution to ban same-sex marriages, at Calvary Christian Academy in Fort Worth, June 5. Voters are expected to approve the amendment in November.

In related news, pundits predict that come 2008, Texas will be the safest state in which wannabes can commit a hate crime without fear of prosecution. By 2014, not a single woman in the entire state will be able to fix anything. Further, the occupation boasting the highest percentage of employment for Texans in 2020? Taxidermy. And in 2030, fat chance seeing a meritous theatrical performance in the Lone Star State ever again. A risky alternative would be to take the wife to Tijuana. She'll love what that donkey can do to that old Mexican hooker, or vice versa.

More Juan is good Juan...
I loaned Juan a couple DVDs because he said he wanted to laugh. So I gave him 'South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut' and 'Bowfinger.' There's a little humor for everyone in those selections. Little did I know that his children would be treated to the South Park movie so early in their viewing careers. "It's a cartoon," Juan said after I yelled, "You what?!?" My Catholic guilt gave birth to twins when he explained, "That scene with the devil and that guy [Saddam Hussein] in bed, and the guy pulls out that thing [a dildo remarkably resembling a real penis]." "Oh, and he goes, 'C'mon Satan, let's fuck!" "Yes. I told them that it looked like a hot dog. Poppy says it's a hot dog."

Every once in a while, I encounter a very attractive man. Today, I decided to grab a cup of coffee before work, throw the ol' routine to the wind. I live on the edge like that. So, I went to the coffe cart dude on the North side of 23rd St. between 5th and 6th Ave., directly beside the parking lot that's no bigger than a fart. To my surprise and delight, the man in the cart was gorgeous. Dark. Dark eyes, dark skin. Well built, perfectly unshaven and sportin' the salt and pepper look, which makes me weak in the knees. And he actually paid attention to me, the way you never get from the usual NYC coffee 'move it along, toots, I got customers' types. To seal the deal, when I started to walk away, head turned so I could stare back at Dark Cute Cart Man, he pointed to the guy behind me and says, "Dude, what can I get you?" Aww. He said dude. I say dude all the time. It's my sole vocabulary vice if you don't count the copious potty language. (Though you may have noticed that I've been real light on the 4 letter words and suggestive imagery lately.) He so didn't look like the dude type. He had the air of a Sir guy, not a Dude-r. Regardless, he's got my $1 for several mornings to come, dude.