Dress Juan Up In My Love

• Last night I walked past a new bank in my neighborhood. It's not open yet, but their ATM is on, not distributing money on, just power on. To let the layman know that the ATM isn't actually working, the screen reads: "I AM CURRENTLY BEING SERVICED." Lucky machine.
• There was an assistance dog, a canine companion, on my train this morning. Bless his little heart, he was so good and so quiet. He certainly smelled a lot better than most train patrons. He also dressed better. He wore a doggie parka that said, "PLEASE DON'T PET ME. I'M WORKING!" Oy. How many times have I wished I had that parka?
• There's a Pretty Woman in my office. His name is Juan.* I bought Juan a tie, a very nice tie, a Nikkoletta tie. ((See photo below)) I chose a versatile tie so it will go with basically everything. It's silver with hints of mint green in very tiny, tiny, little checks. It's nicer than anything I've bought myself in a while. And that's the freakin' truth! The reason for my gift? At the end of October the toy b'ness has a huge mutha Toy Fair, and everyone who's anyone in The Industry attends. Let's call it the Toy Oscars, except the awards are millions of dollars in purchase orders, not statues. And every year, the 'Big Guys' at my company demmand that Juan morph into their step-and-fetchit Peruvian. I'm sure they think he's Mexican. I did. This year, I'm elevating Juan's status. I am determined to dress Juan in the Emperor's Clothes because the VP's of Ball Sucking and Trickle Down Ecomonics should feel shitty when they send my buddy out to get them Nathan's Hot Dogs. I want Juan to have that post-Fab Five makeover look. Maybe the power dicks won't be so ass-holey toward him if he looks like a power dick himself. Maybe they'll think he's an impeccably dressed Mexican. Juan's already bought new dress shoes, my selection. Tomorrow, we're going to J Crew to try on shirts. We're only considering the ones on sale. Progress is our aim, not perfection. If we were gonna spend serious jiing, we'd hit Thomas Pink. But I try not to set my expactations too high. All things considered, I'm working with raw material and a tight budget here. But if all goes according to plan, once the package is assembled, Juan will look like he spent a fortune on his hair.

*For more on Juan and our adventures together, please review my past blogs. Anything with Juan's name in the title will enlighten and entertain. He's the coolest office mate ever and we are to marry in the summer.