Tennis Junkie

Following is a copy of an email I sent this morning to a friend of mine. We have plans to watch the U.S. Open tonight. It's a big, big, huge mo' fo' day in the tennis world.

Re; US OPEN ACTION TODAY/TONIGHT

I could me MORE excited, but that would mean I'd levitate, and while I'm a goddess, that's still a tall order.

MoreLesbo* is playing Mary Pierced* this morning (following Martina Navratil-rug-muncher* in some titilating girl on girl doubles action). Both are French 'hos, Fed Cup teammates (wink wink) and neither has really stepped up in big-ass matches. It should be quite the duel. I have T.H.O.

This afternoon it's Coria vs. Robby Ginepri (which I only 65% care about).

And the main event, tonight's line up, an American cornucopia--with a lost Russian slut tossed in to bring the stink--goes a little something like this:

1. Women's Singles - Qtr. Finals
Elena Dementia* (RUS) #6 vs. Lindsay Dickinport* (USA) #2

followed by

2. Men's Singles - Qtr. Finals

Andre Agassi (USA) #7 vs. James Blake (USA) no ranking

Seriously, there's crap in my pants. Coverage starts at 7, matches usually get going around 7.30 You let me know where to be, when and I'm there.

*I like to nick-name the chicks, b/c frankly, I'm a 7th grade boy. Here is the key to understanding:
MoreLesbo = Amelie Mauresmo
Mary Pierced = Mary Pierce (if you didn't get that one yourself, I hope you reside in an assited living facility)
Navratil-rug-mucher = gayer than Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova
Elena Dementia = Dementieva
Lindsay Dickinport = Lindsay Davenport (hey assisted living, that one was a gimme, right?)

And my personal fave, a woman we'll see later in the tournament as she beat Venus-If-You-Williams in a thrilla last night:
Titty Clitsters = Kim Clijsters