"Dawson's" Race to Greatness

Playing the “Most Successful Dawson’s Creek Cast Member Game” at home? Some may argue that Michelle Williams lunged into the lead this morning with a Golden Globe nomination for Best Supporting Actress in a Film About Gay Cowboys. Considering the highly regarded nod, her relationship with fellow Globe nominee, Heath Ledger, their bastard infant and her ample post-baby bosom, Katie “Joey Potter” Holmes could be eating Michelle Williams’ wake…if she weren’t Katie Fucking Holmes!
Let's assess, shall we? Michelle Williams is short & fat. Katie Holmes is tall and skinny. BAM! POW! Point for the nice Catholic girl from Ohio! Although fattie and Katie are neck and neck with the child-outta-wedlock bit (you’ll both burn in hell), Holmes’ celebrity prowess doesn't just rest on her high profile romance with Scientologist, psychotropic drug-hater, cultural pin-up bitch, movie star Tom Cruise. The gal is gifted. Unless I’m mistaken, Roeper ‘thumbs upped’ her “Batman Returns” performance. Suck on that National Board of Review, New York Critics Association, Hollywood Foreign Press and The National Society of Film Critics! What do you know anyway? Blockbusters aside, how could Joey (she'll always be Joey to me) possibly top her turn as First Daughter, Samantha Mackenzie, in the underappreciated, box office bomb, “First Daughter”? She brought the myriad tribulations suffered by the fruit of the President’s loins to my front door. Katie, you showed me that the Secret Service is a real bummer when you’re trying to have an authentic college experience. I'm a better person for it. So, step aside Judi Dench, Vanessa Redgrave, Maggie Smith. There’s a new Dame in town! Even if she’s not British, I’ve got a Brokeback Mountainous hunch that a certain Queen E. will soon take notice. Stars like Katie’s shine too brightly for talentless hack bitches like Williams to obscure. Tom Cruise knows it, and soon, so will the world. Then Katie will have her own damn globe.