I'm Going to Rome, Paris and Italy

At the beginning of January, I'll be heading to Hong Kong for a couple of weeks to attend yet another Toy Fair. I ain't never been to no China before. Frankly, I ain't never been to a lot of places. It's starting to look obvious, too. When discussing the impending trip, I find myself saying that I'm going to Tokyo. For anyone who's ever looked at a map or correctly answered a question on JEOPARDY, the error is glaring. The one has nothing to do with the other. It's like saying Paris when you really mean Prague. But as far as I'm concerned, fuck it. Asian is Asian. Hong Kong, Tokyo, what's the difference? It's ignorant and jingoistic and arrogant of me, I know, but I'm an American schmuck. Isn't indifference an intrinsic part of being American? It's certainly our global reputation, though more so now than in years or decades past. These days it's a perfectly acceptable faux pas. If the President of the United States doesn't know the difference between Switzerland and Sweeden (and I have a news story to back up the accusation), why should I give a damn? I'm only following a shitty example of a myopic, not to mention shameful and embarrassing, world view. So, I figure Japan, China, city, continent, peninsula, land mine, gender bomb, whatever. Sushi, dumplings, fried rice, I could care less. It all means I get to ingest copious amounts of soy sauce and retain water. Which is why, as fate and Karma will have it, I'll go to Hong Kong a healthy Amelican Girr, but I'll return with The Bird Flu and die before my 31st birthday b/c what goes around comes around.

Here's a new, provocative bumper sticker idea: TREAD ON ME If I had a car, Id' proudly display it on the ass end of my BMW right next to my other bumper sticker, BUY AMERICAN. That's me alright. Contradictory, righteous, critical, absurd and irreverant all while desperately hoping at least ONE person gets it.