Dick Clark's Post-Stroke New Year's Rockin' Eve -- Skipped It

Maybe I'll stay in Hong Kong and celebrate Chinese New Year. I wasn't available for the traditional New Year's Eve 2005 in the good ol' United States. See, I'm sitting here in my office at 200 Fifth Ave., 6th floor in the historic Toy Building. I've been in this hole since 2ish this afternoon, finishing crap for my trip to H.K., Kowloon to be exact. It's 2:22 in the a.m., the early hours of 2006. For the past 3 hours, I've heard blaring sirens of firetrucks, police cars and muchas ambulances. Apparently, everyone in this city partied their asses off, most of them to a dangerous extent resulting in bodily harm or fire or something else I deeply envy despite the end of my Party Whore days. But not The Shan. Poor me, alone in my office, all limbs present and counted, staring out at Madison Square Park, self pitying and tired. I'm going to go home now and get some farkin' sleep. Tomorrow I hit CVS for travel necessities: hand sanitizer, travel size shaving cream, Pepcid AC, my .5 mg of Lorazepam and several dry cleaning bags to use as a packing aid.

Hot Tip From Auntie Shan:
When traveling, it's a swell idea to pack your clothes in plastic bags, dry cleaning bags are most handy. Place the bags in between the layers of your clothing and they won't get wrinkled! That way, you'll save some ironing time once you get to the hotel. This will leave you a little extra time to do unweildy hair and make-up. Unless you'd rather take that time to masturbate. It's your call.

It's my first Toy Fair in H.K. and in terms of my 'career,' it's a big deal. I'm equal parts thrilled, anxious and terrified. I've been clenching my jaw for weeks now, getting ready, putting my ducks in a row. Please pray that yours truly doesn't get fired in a foreign country bazillions of miles away from the shoulder of any dear friend upon whom I would normally rest my weeping head. If I get canned, I know I'll cry. And then I'll get shitfaced, hit a cheap massage place where I'll tell them to throw in a Happy Ending, only to end up God knows where.

My goals: stay sober, don't offend more than 14 people and get home in one piece.

I'll have MUCH to report when I return January 14th. Until then, fare thee well... and Happy New Year. Best wishes for a stunning and gorgeous 2006.