Betcha I'm More Smartest Than You Is
The 2007 NBA finals will pit the Detroit Pistons against the Phoenix Suns and the series will go 7 games. I'd be willing to bet $2 on my prediction, no more, no less. That's really more of a reflection of my meager bank account than anything else.
I shit you not: While in Chicago on business I was brought to a piano bar called, "Howl at the Moon." Trust me, my expectations were LOW. I mean righteous, holier-than-thou, judgemental bitch LOW. Man, I shoulda gone lower, like first date with weird bitch from internet dating site LOW. As if being surrounded by suburban drunk 20-something bachelorette partiers wasn't a sign of my ultimate sink to the cultural armpit of G.W.'s USA, I sat through 45 minutes of two piano narks singing the fight songs of every Midwestern Ra Ra schools in a "Who'lll pay more to hear their shit tune" contest. $5 bucks for On Wisconsin was just the beginning. Then it got nuts. $15 for Indiana University, $17 for Marquette, $25 for U Michigan and $32 for Ohio State. Even Minnesota alums coughed up a measly $40 bucks! Even the Iowa Hawk something-or-others spent $50. Then it got all "My alma-mater's song is better than yours" up in da house. Just to be a superior vagina hole, I went up to the stage, handed the piano fucks $125 and said, "Boston University. Hit it!" OK, I didn't but it woulda been funny. More funny b/c we didn't even have a fight song. Jeez, if we did I wouldn't know it if you played it on a Casio in my bathroom.
I don't quite know how I can effectively comunicate how INCREDBILY IRRITATING it is to hear "On Wisconsin" followed by "something something Illinois" only to be followed by "On Wisconsin" again!?! For fuck's sake...didn't anyone apply to fucking Nebraska? Any state school that doesn't TOUCH Illinois on a map? Anybody?
Wisconsin won for $73. I shit you not.
Man, it was an aural nightmare to be reminded how fucking better than anyone else I am. Plebians!
posted by Shannon E. Ennis at
Friday, May 11, 2007
I shit you not: While in Chicago on business I was brought to a piano bar called, "Howl at the Moon." Trust me, my expectations were LOW. I mean righteous, holier-than-thou, judgemental bitch LOW. Man, I shoulda gone lower, like first date with weird bitch from internet dating site LOW. As if being surrounded by suburban drunk 20-something bachelorette partiers wasn't a sign of my ultimate sink to the cultural armpit of G.W.'s USA, I sat through 45 minutes of two piano narks singing the fight songs of every Midwestern Ra Ra schools in a "Who'lll pay more to hear their shit tune" contest. $5 bucks for On Wisconsin was just the beginning. Then it got nuts. $15 for Indiana University, $17 for Marquette, $25 for U Michigan and $32 for Ohio State. Even Minnesota alums coughed up a measly $40 bucks! Even the Iowa Hawk something-or-others spent $50. Then it got all "My alma-mater's song is better than yours" up in da house. Just to be a superior vagina hole, I went up to the stage, handed the piano fucks $125 and said, "Boston University. Hit it!" OK, I didn't but it woulda been funny. More funny b/c we didn't even have a fight song. Jeez, if we did I wouldn't know it if you played it on a Casio in my bathroom.
I don't quite know how I can effectively comunicate how INCREDBILY IRRITATING it is to hear "On Wisconsin" followed by "something something Illinois" only to be followed by "On Wisconsin" again!?! For fuck's sake...didn't anyone apply to fucking Nebraska? Any state school that doesn't TOUCH Illinois on a map? Anybody?
Wisconsin won for $73. I shit you not.
Man, it was an aural nightmare to be reminded how fucking better than anyone else I am. Plebians!
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