Stuff I Know

I'm impatient to the point where I will stand outside the microwave with ants in my pants whining, "Ugh, come on!" I rarely let it hit 0 and beep. When 2 seconds are left I'll hit stop b/c I just can't stand the wait.

When there's a line for the bathroom I have no ethical code. I will cut in line like a Mo Fo. Screw No-cuts-no buts-no coconuts. I gotta wiz NOW and mine need to empty the ole bladder is far more pressing than anyone else's. I'd knock my dead Grandmother out of the way.

I've heard people say,"It's not Adam and Steve, it's Adam and Eve," as their objection to homosexuality. They're so ignorant. It's Adam and Steven. Obviously they don't know any gay men. There's not a Mike or Bob among them, just Michaels and Roberts.

I look hot at weddings.