Dear Chicago Bears

Fuck you guys and your overtime loss. Next time you want to push and shove each other after a play is whistled dead remember that I have unfertilized eggs in my ovaries with more sportsmanship. I hope you all get a serious spanking, not the good kind either. The prison kind where something is likely to get stuck somewhere REALLY uncomfortable. The kind that places your shrink on speed dial. The kind that makes you cover all the mirrors in your house. The kind where you cry in the shower afterward.