Just Do It

LISTEN TO AMY WINEHOUSE.

Intimacy

Here's a picture of my love life:

Retard Formula Movies

If you want to laugh your ass off, rent "The Other Sister." It's the one where Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi play 'developmentally challenged' young people who fall in love. (Not to be confused with "Benny and Joon," the one where Johnny Depp and Mary Stuart Masterson play 'developmentally challenged' young poeple who fall in love.)

The film's burning question: Will they be able to face the Big Bad World together? After all, they're retarded, for Chrissake...And action!

Look. Special kids can kiss, too.

A girl in my office agrees. "My college roommates used to watch that and get high." She graduated last year. "The Other Sister" is approaching legit camp classic territory.

"Wahoo! I'm retarded, but I can still show you a good time on my bike!"

I'm no Stella Adler, but I notice that the courageous actors who've portrayed the 'developmentally disabled'--thank you Sean Penn, Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise as himself, Leo DiCaprio, Cuba Gooding, Jr.,--choose to do weird things with their hands. That how we know they're retarded. They picking at their fingers and tentivively hold their hands in front of them. I've seen the same kinda sternum level hand twitches from children. They do it when they're embarrassed, like when they've crapped their pants and don't want to tell you or if they're about to ask you what a blow job is.