How Many Ounces?

Damn terrorists have ruined the ease of air travel for everyone. Only recently did I decide to care as it finally affected me.

I tried to sneak some liquids past the airport security poeple.

Here's a list of what they made me jettison:

• Keihl's deodorant/antiperspirant
• RUSK Wired styling cream
• Kerastase mousse
• Keihl's Creme de Corps lotion
• Keihl's Rare Earth Mask cleanser
• Keihl's tea tree facial toner

That's it. The total product value = $85.00

What they missed:

• The 5 bags of heroin I swallowed in Namibia to pay for my entry into the United States.
• Several cans of aerosol deodorizer & Correctol...for extraction
• The mummified head of a guy from Taco Bell who sold me Nachos Bell Grande that one time
• Travel size straight edge razor blades keenly stored in my vajayjay for sundry potential Harry Jones protective purposes (As the Girl Scout's saying goes, "All weapons should be stored in thy vagina. ")
• Gunpowder, electrical tape, tampons, tobacco, ethyl alcohol, drain cleaner, a Sanyo 9.6V 1700 mAH NiCad Large Battery and a previously viewed VHS tape of "Darby O'Gill and the Little People."
• Pictures of Laura Bush tossing a few salads
• My subconscious

That's it. Street value = $70,000

Hot Tip from Auntie Shan

To check or not to check? If you have a moment's hesitation when answering this quesiton, check your freakin' bag.