3 Dykes Whining

Kids, read this shit. I know it's old hat to complain about THE L WORD, but it's gotten unconscionable, really. These dykes are pissed. Start reading the thread from at bottom--email exchanges go backward. Wait, that makes no sense. Ah, you'll get it.

PS - I never write LOL b/c it's totally gay. One more thing: sometimes I can listen to an oldies radio station and happily doo-wap along, but sometimes oldies make me wanna stab a bitch. The Bangles and polka music make me feel the same way. Good at first but then the voices start.

Leah: No.

Marin wrote:
Are you calling me fat?

Leah wrote:
Are you going to go Tina on me?

Marin wrote:
i miss tim. sigh.

Leah wrote:
These are all very good points Shannon.
Why with the BETTY? WHY? I want that played in a loop at Ilene Chaiken's funeral. That sounds like something an angry blogger might put up on an L word fansite. Reel it in Dubie...Reel it in.
South of Nowhere...I'd watch it if it wasn't on channel 8 million. But I'll watch anything. I don't discriminate. I'm kind of awesome that way. I'll even watch Rosie O'Donnell embarrass herself on The View. Anything...

Shannon Ennis wrote:
Dude, if I were Jennifer Beals I'd quit before I even THOUGHT about having to "tap that" on camera. Unless she could do it w/ 1987 Moonlighting Cybil.

Whatever. They killed Dana. Tina is banging a dude and they made us WATCH, hello? Not what we're paying for! The BETTY theme song is so horrible. I'd rather, while in a steaming hot stanky subway, hear an old ass Chinese dude playing one of those weird-ass saws.


Fuck you Ilene Chaiken. Fuck you.

FUCK IT. I'm drawing the line. SOUTH OF NOWHERE, exclusively. They're in high school, they're cute and they only fuck each other.

Leah wrote:
Power suit on power suit=yuck
Why didn't they just do this last season with Helena's mom? I find her more visually appealing anyhow.
Also, from the looks of the tease on Showtime.com....Max STILL hasn't become a man. How long does this take? Felicity Huffman got in done in under two hours...you really need two years L word?

Marin wrote:
Bette is totally going to tap that old ass!


Leah wrote:
This is from Cybill's website:

Cybill has joined the cast of the fourth season of "The L Word." Shepherd will play a married mother who suddenly begins questioning her sexuality. Her character is the executive vice chancellor of the fictional California U. and boss of Jennifer Beals' character Bette Porter.

SNOOZE! How many more questioning their sexuality storylines must we sit through! And old lady questioning is the worst kind. That ship has sailed Cybill! At least the interesting/hot part of it has....
I'm CCing Shannon. This might break her.

Leah wrote:
Apparently Cybil Shepard is on L word this season. Great...now in addition to horrible writing...The L word is getting old. I think she's older than my mom.

From HX Magazine's "Homo Dish"

Well, there are always friendly folks at Barracuda - like DJ Javier and bartender cutie J.R. - so we headed there first on Sunday for Last Comic Kneeling, where every last faggot was on the floor with laughter. Emcee and LCK creator Cole James opened and let us know why he’d never be welcome on Oprah’s couch, followed by hysterical underwear promoter Jason Scarletti, Shannon Ennis’ rant on her recent firing from Midget Snatch magazine and brother-sister duo Al & Patty’s crowd-pleasing ditty celebrating gay marriage. Headliner - and gay mom - Jessica Kirson then dished on her growing feud with Rosie O’Donnell, who has allegedly banned her from performing on her cruise ships because she’s afraid of a lesbian look-alike who might be funnier.

Lies, Lies!

I love boys and totally partying a lot.

Herself at LAST COMIC KNEELING @ Barracuda last night.

Tina Fey, HERO

Tina Fey was on the Howard Stern show yesterday and said that Paris Hilton was a piece of shit and looked like a transvestite up close. She also revealed that Paris asked the SNL writers to make a skit where she could play Jessica Simpson "because I hate her ... she's fat." Howard Stern: What is Paris Hilton like?

Tina Fey: She's a piece of shit. The people at SNL were like maybe she'll be fun, maybe she won't take herself so seriously. She takes herself so seriously! She's unbelievably dumb and so proud of how dumb she is. She looks like a tranny up close.

Howard Stern: Was she bad on SNL, was she hard to deal with?

Tina Fey: She was awful. People never come in and say "I'm not doing that." So, this guy Jim Downey wrote a really really funny sketch, it was supposed to be Lorne Michaels just finding out that she had a sex tape and telling her she couldn't host the show because SNL has standards... So she was like "I'm not doing it!" and refused to come out of her dressing room. Also, you would walk down the hall and find what just looked like nasty wads of Barbie hair on the stairs... Her hair is like a Fraggle.

Howard Stern: Did she give you ideas for sketches?

Tina Fey: Yeah, she wanted to make fun of all the girls she hates. She was like "I want to play Jessica Simpson, I hate her." She would come in the room and say "you should do a show about Jessica Simpson because she's fat."

Howard Stern: What was the bet you guys had going about her?

Tina Fey: The cast had a bet if she would ask anyone on the cast anything about themselves, you know like how are you? where are you from? anything. I think Seth Meyers won because at one point, she asked him if Maya Rudolf was Italian.

Tina Fey called Paris Hilton a tranny on national radio. I've called Paris Hilton my favorite comedian. Tina Fey wins.

Hamlet's Other Dilemma

Bangs or no bangs: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler of the hair to suffer the full frontal lobe and conventionality of a naked forehead, Or to take up scissors against a sea of folicles, And by shearing begin a new?

What Would Rick Do? WWRD?

Dear Ex-Senator Rick Santorum (R), PA--

I heard that you lost your seat in the Senate. Now would be a perfect time to catch up on your gay porn/beastiality videos. The Nature Channel or Animal Planet sometimes shows clips of GAY ANIMALS FUCKING EACH OTHER! I swear. After copulating, they "cleptomanialize" the food and natual resources of nearby endangered species. You'd really like it.

Might I suggest one more activity? When my grandmother retired she took up knitting. She found it relaxing and we ended up crochetted to within an inch of our lives. I think she knit my cap & gown. But that's not where I'm going with this. Why not knit a huge rainbow flag? You know, as a gesture of thanks to the many PA homos (including the entire cast of "Queer As Folk") whose votes denied you another term and gave you all this leisure time. Hell, the chances of a possible Presidential bid are lower than your polling #s. Ha! I kid, I kid. Use those meet n' greet skills, though. Go door to door soliciting donations for all the yarn it'll take to make your flag. Do you have any money left in the campaign coffers? Grab that, too, before the party takes it back. Jerks. Create a faith-based initiative, gather members of your church together and make a friggin quilt! The only things Those Gays love more than hand-knit flags? Quilts.


Gosh, there's so much for you do to. Thank God for giving you all the time you need to work on projects like these. And the willingness to accept your new role as a political failure. He's great at that, isn't he? Doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. God knew you were a one-termer and that is his will. Be humble in the service of The Lord, Rick, for he too loves a good quilt. Or maybe a cross cosy?

If you need any help, just call me. I hate Republicans and bigots, but I've got an open mind and a generous spirit. I'd totally roll up my sleeves for you as you do pennance, a shit load of pennance.

With Love and Kindness,
Shannon E. Ennis

Shame On Me

OK, so I haven't posted nuthin' in a long ass time. My life is a tragedy. Get off my back.

How tragic? How tragic is it that as I write this I am lip synching to "HOLD ON" by Wilson Phillips and I LOVE IT! Sophocles (spelling?) Ennis, c'est moi. Remember when Chris Farely used to do Carnie Phillips and he'd make that pop wannabe excited/please like me look how positive I am face. Then he'd wack Chyna and that other bitch out of his way and eat chips or something. Or am I flashing back to a party during which my goodest pal Wilson and I mocked them on our own and gorged Doritos while we slathered the same damn Doritos all over each other trying to look as repellant-sexy as possible?

Oh, it's the brigde, "Dont you know that things'll change, things'll go your way if you hold on for one more day." Lyrics deep as a wading pool...for pygmies.

Moving on. I hereby decree that all ye who partake of this blog use thy Common Sense and get your butts to a screening of "Shut Up and Sing," the doc that follows the Dixie Chicks "embarrassed that Bush is from Texas" ado about nothing. Natalie Maines has serious balls. They're huge. I don't know how she manages to walk. More importantly, she also happens to be a heck of a songwriter, smart and funny as hell. (Marry me, Natalie?) When shown a pic of the dude who threatened to assasinate (spelling?) her during a Dallas performance she wipes the tension in the air with a casual, "He's kinda cute." I, for one, am proud that I tried to take my melting Dixie Chick CDs out of the flaming garbage can. Granted, I realized that I could sell 'em instead of burning them in effigy (ugh! spelling?). But whatever. Actions speak really strongly or something like that. And FUTK.

Vote tomorrow.
Not convinced?
Listen to Angie Harmon.