Our House of the Undead

How in the hell is Wilford Brimley NOT dead? Usually I'm pretty "up" on these things but he just offered to help me manage my diabetes. "No way are the airing this TVC posthumously," said I to myself. So I Wickipedia'd and lo and behold, Wilfred's taken a licking and keeps on ticking. For a moment there, it was all very Scrooge. Being visited upon a grisly old man who, to the best of my knowledge, had left this earthly realm. Frankly, I'm still kinda scared of him from THE FIRM. That's right. I'm afraid of Wilford Brimley. What are you gonna do about it?

Elephants should really consider using lotion. Theirs is the ashy-est skin I've ever seen. Just thinking out loud.

You'll Never See Me Again

I'm imbedded at my brother's house because he's got a huge flat screen TV. I'm mainlining Angie Harmon era Law & Order episodes in HDTV. Ah, my kryptonite! Angie is life-size and I can see her pores. I can almost touch her silky black hair. If there wasn't a screen keeping us apart, she'd could smell my panting "I'm ready to devour you" LISTERINE treated breath. I'm fulfilled, catatonic and sated. My reason for living has been made stunningly clear. Thanks for showing me the sign I've always prayed for,God. In digital no less!

Actually I've been really productive lately and have much to report. But I can't right now. Angie's threatening a perp.