Lookit What I Did!

I expect to be pat on the back for doing very basic adult tasks. For example, I actually did my taxes. On time, too. And I really want someone to say, "Alright, Shan. Way to go." I want the same sort of congratulatory wishes when I pay my phone bill. "Well done. Well done." As I write RENT in the memo section of a check I want to hear some damn golf claps.

Until you're about 2, everyone and their brother Oooohs and Ahhhs your every smile, fart, drool, step, even poop is praised. And until you're 10, you get congratulated when you read or spell words like 'chaos' correctly on a spelling test. Ladies, when we began to, well, you know, menses blah blah, we were welcomed into 'womanhood' with hugs and, in some families, cakes were baked for the occasion. And all we did was bleed, involuntarily!

Official statement: I would like to have all my oohs and ahhs rescinded. I'm 32 and single and relatively poor. I want my adulations NOW. I need them NOW. Something tells me that I'd have keept walking and pooping even if I never heard, "Ooooooh, look at you go! That's a big girl." In the interest of staying on this 'responsible adult' track, as a preventative measure, humor me. Please reply with Oooohs and Ahhhhs. Someone had better hug me or I'm gonna swipe some LIFESAVERS or gum.

The Shan The View The Lezgend

HEY KIDS! The Shan Has a Show:
"Menage-A-Ha"
At Pieces Bar
8 Christopher Street (bet Greenwhich & Gay)
This SUNDAY @ 9:30 PM

If you get there earlier you can catch Drag Bingo and when you arrive you get drink tickets. For drinking.

The Shan will also be on THE VIEW this Monday, April 16th (with or w/out completing her taxes) at 11:00am EST. Before you get all hoppin' and excited, I ain't no guest. I'll just be in the audience making eyes at Rosie.

Last thing: Have you ever heard of Jodie Foster or k.d. lang or Billie Jean or any other prominent out lesbian refered to as a 'dykon'? As in dyke + icon = dykon. It's new in my lexicon and I've decided to focus on becoming a dykon, too.

Consider this one: Lesbian + legend = lezgend. Can I get a 'whoo whoo'? Try both: Martina Navratilova is a lezgend in dykon history. How's that?